Scrambled Eggs

by Ghost Writer

www.kramtoad.com

To everyone in town Two Guys And A Spatula was a peaceful, 1950's
themed diner that had, since its opening ten years ago, held its own
against the big box breakfast-all-day resaturants that had popped up
in town. The logo showed two cartoon men, one holding an enormous
egg and the other cracking it with a comically large spatula, the
contents falling into a frying pan. It was indeed a quentessential
ma-and-pa operation, at least from the outside.

However, tension had been building behind the lines of Two Guys for
months. The 'two guys', the co-owners, were Nathan and Josh. They
had started the resstaurant on a whim right out of college, and its
phenomenal success caught them both off guard. But now Nathan was
ready to branch out from the breakfast-all-day concept but Josh lived
by the adage 'if it ain't broke don't fix it'. It started slowly
with backroom squableing, but escalated over the months no doubt
because the men spent more than ten horus a day working and running
the store in close quarters.

Josh was growing resentlful of Nathan who he felt was not only not
putting in as much work as him but was now trying to tinker with Two
Guys, which had been more Josh's dream than Nathan's. Nathan, on the
other hand, was ofended by Josh's seemingly senseless opposition to
alll of his ideas since the beginning, especially since it was Nathan
who had put up most of the starting cash.

Today was an especially hecktic Saturdsay and the last customers
hadn't left the diner until nearly ten. Several staff were out with
the flu, and Nathan and Josh had to go out pouring coffee and helping
customers themselves instead of working on payroll and inventory in
the office. When the last staffer was finally out, Josh plopped down
into the chair in the office and let out a resounding sigh. Josh was
36, average height and build but with powerful biceps that bulged his
short-sleeve white button up shirt, the front of which was stained
brown after a run-in with a coffee pot.

Josh ran a hand through this short black hair and looked at the
payroll spreadsheets in front of him. He had fallen behind for the
week, no doubt because of Nathans' constnat skipping out right at
close, and now the files were needed to their accountant by Monday
morning. The task was daunting. Nathan came in about twenty minutes
later, by that time Josh was so involved in his computer screen he
didn't even look up.

"Hey Nate..."

"Don't ''Hey Nate'' me!" Nathan roared.

Josh closed his laptop in surprise, clearing his view of the door.
Nathan, who was easily a foot taller than Josh and with much more
defined musculature, He didn't so much 'wear' the short sleeve white
shirt and grey slacks that had become thieir 'uniform', he modeled it.

The phrase 'what's wrong' only briefly crossed his mind. However,
Nathan's accusatory tone, to say nothing of the fact he had been
missing in action while there were reports and inventory to do, made
Josh incredibly angry.

"What's your problem, Nate?" Josh stood up quickly and walked from
behind the desk.

"My problem? It's you. Acting like you own the place."

Nathan threw down an invoice which had clearly been fished from the
bottom of a rubbish bin. It was a quote from a printing company for
flyers that read Two Guys And Lunch. Josh looked at the documents
dismissively.

"And? I told you the lunch thing is a non starter..."

"See there you go again! Acting like you're the only one here. And
don't think my workers dont telll me what you say about me to
them..." Nathan bristled as he said the words, taking several steps
forward until he was only a yard away from Josh. Josh instinctively
tried to take a step back but was blocked by the front of the desk.

"Your workers? They're OUR workers and you know what? If you don't
like it you can piss the fuck off."

Josh's voice was clear and absolute, The proverbial gloves the two
had been wearing for years were off.

Without warning, Nathan took a step toward Josh, his chest sticking
out like an arogant bird. Josh tried to take a step back but was
stopped again by the desk.

"Nate, cut it out..."

Nathan's powerful arms extended so quickly Josh barely got out his
sentence. He shoved Josh, not particularly hard, but with enough
force to cause him to fall back onto the desk. Josh let out a yelp
of surprise, and then several things happened at once. The sound of
glass and plastic breaking interupted Nathan mid-taunt; the laptop,
loaded with hours of work, had been knocked off the desk. Josh,
realizing what happened, regained his posture and took a large step
toward Nathan so that they were now mere inches from each other.
Despite his larger size, the look of fury in Josh's eyes was enough
to give Nathan him pause. Josh's biceps and neck muscles trembled in
barely contained hatred and his mouth quivered, his brain unable to
even find words to do justice to his rage. The two had never been
this close to an actual fight...

'Josh. Josh, I'm so sorry," Nathan apologized, his voice heavy with
genuine apology. 'Let me get it for..."

Nathan knelt down to retrieve the in-pieces laptop, and half way
through the bend a knee caught Nathan squarely in the crotch. Nathan
gasped as the air was forced out of his lungs. Josh could feel he
had made a direct hit on one of Nathan's egg-sized nuts which were
packed close together in his pants. Josh's knee tore into the
delicate bulge in the front of Nathan's pants as Nathan's own weight
falling forward compounded the misery.

'You son of a bitch!' Josh screamed lifting his knee into Nathan's
bulge two more times. Each time he could feel the bulging mass being
flattened against the studly man's pelvic bone. Nathan, in a world of
hurt, would have already been on his knees if it wasn't for the force
of Josh's knee bouncing him -- by way of his nuts -- back to a
hunched over position.

'You want the computer? You think it matters now?' Josh spat the
words as Nathan, in too much pain and entirely too taken off guard to
fight back, fell to the floor. Nathan was on all fours clutching his
nuts and crying openly.

'Josh, Josh stop...'

The babbling pleads were interupted by the sound of plastic
shattering. Josh had fetched the ruined laptop and had knocked
Nathan in the side of the head with it. Small peices of the device
went flying and a trickle of blood ran down Nasthan's handsome pain-
contorted face. He fell backward, landing on the floor spread
eagle. He was begining to regain his senses but the assult with the
laptop had temporarily dazed him. He looked up in panic and
confusion as Josh stood over him. He knew he had to defend himself
but there was .... or something... maybe... His mind was still too
scrambled to react.

Josh seized on the moment and stomped his dress shoes over and over
into Nathan's swellling bulge. Nathan writhed and screamed, and
tried to cover his crotch with his hands but Josh simply stomped on
them, causing Nathan to literally crush his own gonds with his
hands. Nathan's head swirled as he started to crawl on his back out
of the office. Josh took his focus off Nathan's rapidly enlarging
bluge, now soiled black from the bottom of this shoe, and let a kick
land in Nathan's stomach. Then a kick along side the head. Nathan
screamed and in a burst of strength lunged up at Josh. Josh, who had
arrogantly assumed he had control of the situation, was taken aback
and the larger man proceeded to press Josh against the desk, raising
his knee into his defenseless eggs.

Nathan's powerful legs and rock-harrd knee delivered blow after blow,
the impacts so hard Josh was literally llifted off the ground. Josh
reached forward and grabbed Nathan's eyes. His thumbs worked in
synchornized gouging motions. Nathan screamed and let up on his
attack just long enough for Josh to grab the desk phone and slam it
into the side of Nathan's head. Pieces of plastic exploded
everywhere as the phone fell apart from teh blows. It only took six
good hits before there was little left of the phone for Josh to hold
on too. Nathan lunged agin, though with much less force and sloppy
aim due to his growing haze. Josh easily pushed Nathan away with a
fist to the nose.

Nathan was spun completley around by the blow, a splatter of blood
following. He started to crawel out of the office on all fours. Josh
though was having no part of it. He let Nathan get to just barely
inside the doorway before casually walking up behind him and letting
his foot saill between Nathan's legs.

Nathan let out an agonized howl. Josh's aim had been dead on and his
right nut was flattened violently into his pelvis.

'Josh...'

Josh ignored Nathan's whimpered plea and proceeded to kneel down
between Nathan's studly legs. He grabbed Nathan's waist band with
both hands and with a violent motion proceeded to rip his pants down
to his knees.

Nathan collapsed onto his stomach, and Josh qukckly rollled him
over. As usual, Nathan wasn't wearing underwear and his badly
swollen nuts bulged and stretched at his sack. Josh was always
impressed at the size of Nathan's grade-A sized nuts, which were now
almost twice the size and blue-black in color. Nathan, nearly
comatoase from pain, looked fown barely comprehending what was
happening. Josh grabbed a ball in each hand and proceeded to
squeeze, making sure each nut was being compressed between a thumb
and the rest of the fingers on the offending hand. Without saying a
word, Josh increased the pressure to just the point where he couldn't
keep squeezing, then let off, then squeezed. The balls, now blue-
purple and starting to lose their firmness, were still as far as Josh
could tell in tact.

Nathan's head fell to the floor with a loud though, his pain stricken
mind no longer able to keep watching this front row seat of his
testicle's destruction. Josh let go of Nathan's balls and the
bloated heavy orbs sagged in Nathan's enormous nutsack. It took only
a moment for Nathan's balls to be resting on the flloor.. Josh stood
up, lifted his shoe over the bulging defenseless man-eggs and slammed
his foot down. Although he had passed out, Nathan's face still let
ouf an involntary twitch. The foot slammed down again, and again,
Josh savoring the time between each strike while he lined up his foot
over the shifting target, strategizing his next blow. After four
such full force slams, Josh was sure he had done permanent damage to
Nathan's manhood. He knelt down and roughly massaged each ball,
feeling for signs that they were no longer firm. To his dismay
Nathan's balls were still totally intact, and plump. In fact, had it
not been for the severly bruised coloring, Nathan's package looked
lik he was ready to get laid.

Josh stood up fretting, stomping on Nathan's nuts twice out of sheer
hatred. His eyes lit up from and idea as he was lifting his foot for
a third blow. He left the office and romaged loudly through the
restaurant. He returned with a bottle of smelling salts from the
emergency first aid kit. He slammed the bottle on the desk as he
headed out for more supplies. He returned a short time later, his
arms loaded with every apron he could grab from the employee lounge.
He tossed them in a pile in he office, covering a still passed out
Nathan, and headed back toward the kitchen. He returned with a small
device that he placed on the desk.

Joshed reached for the pile of aprons and methodically and quickly
pulled the draw strings from each one until he had several lengths of
what he was going to use as rope. With some effort, Josh was able to
lift Nathan's dead weight body and plot it down into the chair which
he had dragged into the middle of the office. He tied Nathan to the
chair, making sure to secure his legs wide apart so that his
pendulous, huge nuts hung freely between his legs. Finally he
grabbed the salts and waved them under Nathan's nose. Nathan arose
with a stir, seemingly more alert than before but still dazed. His
face contored into panic...

'Josh? Josh what are you doing? Please man...'

Josh ignored him as his grabbed the final object he had gathered from
the desk. Nathans' eyes bugged out in absolute terror as he struggled
in vain against his restraints.

'I wanted you to see this. I wanted you to be awake while we test out
one of your ridiculous ideas..."

Josh held the Egg Scambler Pro in his hands. It was a tube just
large enough to fit an egg or two in with two paddles that could
rotate with the push of a button. It was advertised as being the
perfect egg scambler, you simply drop an egg into the compartment,
close the lid and press the button. The rapidly spilling paddles
were, in theroy, supposed to crack the egg cleanly then the contents
would ooze into a much smaller second chamber underneith where the
second paddle would scramble them. It looked good on the
informercial, but in pracitce the Egg Scrambler Pro actually
desimated the egg shell, meaning small pieces ended up in the mixing
chamber, and by extension, the omlet. Not to mention it took almost a
minute for the egg to seap through to be mixed. It was just too slow
for commercial use, but Nathan had been insistent... now he was going
to get a demonstratino.

Josh knelt down and held the Scrambler dangerously close to Nathan's
haning nuts. He slapped them several times to get them to swing
causing Nathan to wince and cry. Josh had already placed an egg,
which was actually smaller than Nathan's right nut, into the chamber
and hit the pulse button. The machine whired and stopped. The egg
shell hadn't even been penetrated completely, some of the gooey egg
only barely oozing out.

'Oops needs another one...'

Josh proceeded to hold the pulse button. Instead of spinning once and
cracking the egg shell, as designed Josh holding the putton meant
that the Scrambler's 'cracking' blade spun again and again. It lay
waste to the egg, filling the chamber with pulverized egg shell and
thoroughly scarmbled egg.

'I guess it works. But we should try it again...'

Josh casually dumped the egg matter onto the floor and violnetly
grabbed Nathan's pendulous right nut, forcing the oversized thing
into the machine. Nathan screamed and pleaded but Josh just irgnored
him as he proceeded to press -- and hold -- the button.
The 'cracking' paddle spun, slamming into Nathan's egg. But since it
couldn't go through this 'egg', the paddle stopped. Josh, in
frustration swithced to pressing the button rapidly instead of
holding it down. Each time the paddle spun is changed directions,
allowing it to slam into each side of Nathan's ball. Nathan bucked
wildly as he felt the kitchen gadget laying waste to his manhood.

'Almost scarmbled' Josh delcared not even masking his true delight.

After five minuets of the assualt Nathan had passed out, the outline
of his pecs visible through his sweat-soaked shirt. Josh threw down
the Scrambler, which cracked into piecse as its battery fell out and
examined Nathan's right ball. to his surprised, though now twice the
size of the left and not quite as firm, the ball was still intact.
Josh thought about grabbing the salts again to wake Nathan up for a
second round with another Scramlber --Nathan of course bought several
without consulting Josh. However, Josh knelt so that he was eye to
eye with the still passed out Nathan, rose his fist into the air and
let it sail into Nathan's dangerously close to bursting right nut.
Nathan's face twitched ever slightly as his giant ball bounced
around. Josh grabbed it with his other hand and again slammed his
fist into it. Nathan's chest involunarily heaved as the ball, now
trapped in Josh's hand and unable to swing away, absorbed the full
force of the blow. Johs wailed again and again and on the third blow
the impact felt very different.

The orb no longer resisted deformation as it began to collapse in its
sack. Wham! Wham! Josh's fist collided with the failing nut. Josh
thought he heard a faint 'splish' on the ninth or tenth blow, but he
kept going . The ball no longer plumped back into shape after each
blow, With one final slam Josh was conifident that he flet the nut
explode in the sack. He let go of what was left of Nathan's right
nut and it hung down in the sack next to the left. It had clearly
lost its round shape, and a few subsequent slaps felt like hitting a
sack of mashed potatoes, not the plump round thing that had once been
Nathan's egg-sized ball.

Josh, still in a haze of rage, gave Nathan's face a vollley of
punches. Nathan was totally defenseless as his handsome face was
turned into a swollen and bloodied mess. Josh stopped and looked
down at Nathan's sack... there was still one more egg to crack and
Nathan-- to Josh's surprised -- was begining to stir.

Without hesistating Josh reached for the smelling salts, wafted them
under Nathan's nose and, as Nathan once again became aware of the
nightmare he was in, Josh made his way to the fry cook's station...
there would be plenty of spatulas to choose from there he thought.